Star Wars VII: The story so far…

*Spoiler alert – Although no major plot information will be given, I will be mentioning characters likely to make an appearance and where the film occurs on the SW timeline.

Here’s what we know so far. Stormtroopers are back. Kevin Smith, arguably the biggest SW fanboy in the known universe left the set IN TEARS… of joy. George Lucas has handed over the reigns to J.J Abrams, a man so talented, he probably designed his own character arc before he was born. R2D2 and Chewy are certainly back. Ford, Fisher and Hamill are reprising their roles from the original 3 Star Wars movies. Abrams has co-written the screenplay with Lawrence Kasdan, who was a co-writer for Empire Strikes Back. The story takes place 30 years after the events of Return of The Jedi.

smith

Silent Blub.

All I can say is that this has to be the most anticipated film in about 20 years. Perhaps partially because of the nightmare that was the unforgivable prequel trilogy. Because of that, fans are right to approach this with some trepidation, we had our Star Wars dreams violently throttled by the strangling grip of a director who began to care more for spectacle than for characters, for droll CGI over vivifying miniatures.
The original trilogy featured some of the most serendipitous casting in film history. Lucas chanced his whole space fantasy on a set of charismatic, young actors, one of whom, in 1975, was actually just a carpenter (FORD!). He gave them clear roles, ambitions, problems and desires.

Casting 101.

Casting 101.

We understood the basic idea that a small group of rebels were fighting against a tyrannical Galactic Empire. This was brilliant, there were parallels with real-life monstrous regimes and the themes of an absolutely corrupt power elite resonated across the world. At that time Lucas was a rebel, someone that wanted to change the scale of cinematic storytelling, someone that was fighting to realize something he believed in.

22 years later, Lucas replaced some of the most charismatic actors of the late 70’s with a mixed, miscast ensemble. For example, Samuel L. Jackson, one of the most passionate, expressive, gifted actors in modern cinema was employed as a kind of stoic parliamentarian. It was no longer a story of revolution against a corrupt empire, it was now a story about bureaucracy, trade embargoes and wait… who was the protagonist?
The creativity, the costumes, alien designs that so captivated us – like Salacious B. Crumb, the Kowakian monkey lizard that lives in Jabba’s palace, or the adorable Wookies…. all of that was replaced with costumes bought at a Star Trek Voyager boutique, a haze of glossy CGI cityscapes that weren’t a patch on Blade Runner (a film 17 years older), strobes of stupid droids, shaky Lightsaber battles filmed, ooh and let’s not forget character portayals that inspire no empathy or interest, like General Grievous, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padame… oh wait. THAT’S EVERYONE. He even tried to undermine the original, mystical mythology of The Force by introducing the redundant, unnecessary idea of ‘Midichlorians’, some cellular prerequisite to interactions with the force. It was at this point, true fans of SW realized that everything George Lucas did/said/thought about SW after 1982 were the actions of a Sith imposter, trying to undo everything Good, Beautiful and True about the original films.

Yoda's is the only explanation of the force we needed.

Yoda’s explanation from Episode: IV is the only explanation of the force we needed.

We’re still a long way from seeing the first trailer, but I thought I’d compile a list of things to watch out for.

1. More than 500 things on the screen at one time
2. More CGI than real things
3. Anything resembling Jar Jar or his offspring
4. Anything as racist and horrendous as the Neimoidians, Toydarians or Jar Jar Binks
5. Conversations about sand


I’m confident that there’s no way this movie can encroach upon the Hellish plains of scattered dreams and rusting CGI bits of pod racer metal that was ‘the prequel trilogy.
Half of the casting is already taken care of, JJ Abrams hasn’t made a bad movie yet, he knows what characters are, he’s not George Lucas, err also, FORD’S BACK, CARRIE’S BACK, MARK’S BACK!!
If JJ Abrams can encapsulate any of the grainy, sweaty guy in robot suit, Shakespearian confession ridden magic and wonder that flew on the X-wings of the original trilogy, maybe, just maybe, Star Wars fans can connect to The Force again, without any stupid after-thought, Midichlorian B*$h^t!!!

Leave a comment